Tuesday, February 7, 2012

i'm still here

well its been a few days. yesterday was one of my days. just felt overwhelmed with feelings and emotions yesterday and I'm wondering if I can build up the courage to see a counselor. A lot this has to do with my past and I am realizing more and more that in a lot of ways I was mentally abused and I feel like that my mom who adopted me didn't give me life, but took it. I don't want to go into details because I don't know who reads this. I love my husband very much, but I also feel like that the only way I had to escape from the prison I was in was to get married. I know that if I had not married, i probably would be dead. instead of allowing me to share what I was feeling and dealing with and help me through like normal moms and aunts do they clamped down on my freedom and what I could do even more and I was 21 at the time. I had no support from them whatsoever. I have always had to be dependent on someone and I feel like they chipped me of my life and now its too late and I will never have that chance of being fully my own person and just caring about myself and living on my own completely. thanks mom and aunt for what little life you allowed me. I am in a way glad that I don't have kids because I don't ever want to be like you and have them turn out to be messed up like I will be the rest of my life.